CaTcH my ThOuGhTs… fr glasses to contacts & back

I have a 3 year syndrome. That is, every 3 years I change jobs! hehe I don’t know why but I just seem to do it. That’s a lie. I do know why. So I do it hehe
1994-1997. 3 years. SHC. Teacher.

1997-2000. 3 years. ASTI. Account Manager.

2000-2002… oops 2 years. FPI. Account Manager.. no plans of leaving yet actually, just that I need to give birth to Mymy and I have no family support in Makati!

2002-2005. 3 years. Bum! hehe

2005-2007… oops 2 years again! LCNHS. Teacher. And yes, I really have no plans of leaving, but Kristine Pabico bugged me to apply online to work in the US so the need to resign! (Related story here: Real Magic)

and now..

2007-2009… still here. But, let’s see where 2010 will bring me though hahaha!

Actually, I seem to have mellowed down.. maybe I have found home in being a Special Education Teacher here in New Orleans.. or have allowed myself to settle down, career wise? I hope to think that is the reason why. I am thankful for all the blessings that God has given me. I dream, He makes it come true.

I could still remember always telling Mymy’s yaya before, if she’ll ask me where I will be going.. I would always say.. “to America.. join me?” haha, who would have thought it will come true?

I also remember $ dollar signs in my bedroom and one dollar bill in my wallet to simply attract it, for the sake of just trying to attract it… and it was indeed attracted!

I am grateful to God, for He makes beautiful beautiful stories in my life. He provides me with beautiful people to help me change too. Be it the hard way, like in the face of my husband… hehe, colleagues at work, who would show me beautiful family values and insights in life even people I’m not really close with, and yet they too, impart beautiful choices in what they do and believe in.

My Lingkod friend, Elma, knew how stubborn I am when it comes to His leading. And yet, He continues to persevere.. He continues to hold my hands and lead me to the right path.

I am tapping myself real hard now.. for I feel like I am cruising.. going with the flow.. at peace with me and the people around me. THIS is not NORMAL! haha .. the 3 year syndrome, eh. hehe

But I guess, God is showing me another phase of life, the phase I failed to see because I keep on changing and moving about. I guess, this time, God is teaching me to WAIT. WAIT and SEE. For this time, I feel He is in charge.. He is in the driver’s seat.. and I close my eyes and just make myself sleep, so I won’t comment, nag, demand, or maneuver. I make myself calm down, for I trust He will take care of me and my family, whichever way the road will lead us.. For all I know, He might be driving us to roam the world already? who knows? hehe..

And so I wait. And so it is.

Just taking notes…

• Mymy did not sleep with us tonight. She is 7 years old and we allowed her to sleep over at a friend’s house. She was just 3 year old then! Now she is almost by my shoulder and sleeps over!

• Mimoi prefers to sleep in the tent Santa gave him. He likes the space! hehe

• Dennis finds treasure in the cabinets, wooden furniture being thrown out by our neighbors.. aka trash! From all the scrap he builds furniture we can use! Creativity and Ingenuity in action!

• Just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic and loved the line.. “The RV does not define me. You and your mother do.” Sometimes, I seem to always need reminders, just like that.. I am no longer a HS student or a single lady. I have a husband, I am a mother and I have 2 kids. My earth age is increasing yearly.. Fine lines and wrinkles are showing.. White hair does too! And yet, I seem to always forget. My life is my family. My husband, my daughter and my son defines me. No matter how I sometimes seem to forget, life has changed.

2009 is almost at its end. So many things has transpired this year. All for a reason and purpose.

There are a lot of things to be grateful for. And I am grateful.

As 2010 nears, I am just excited to see great things happen to my mind, heart and soul. To dream some more.. To see my thoughts become things again and again.

Things happen.. things will happen.. the truth is there are infinite possibilities. That’s where life starts to take its own adventure.. knowing the truth about ourselves. I speak like a guru and yet I still have so much to learn!.. but you see I am excited again.

Excited to start a new leaf. Excited to turn the page. Excited to uncover the truth about me and God’s miracle.

Simply excited and grateful for another opportunity to grow, change and see life’s beauty this 2010!

May our dreams come true this 2010! Cheers!:)

I miss my Mommy and Daddy.

I miss my brothers.

… will miss their weddings!

I miss our house in Lucena.

… walking in our neighborhood, Bulgaria St. to gate ng Better Living and back and forth

I miss my cousins, aunties and relatives.

… birthday parties, chikahan, kwentuhan, New Year’s eve reunion!

I miss my friends in Better Living.

… Buddy’s and Palaisdaan chika galore and nights out just to talk our hearts out.

I miss my friends in Lingkod ng Panginoon.

… fellowships and prayer meetings

… Cesar and Penny’s house madalas dito meetings e

I miss my friends in LCNHS.

…. mukmukan, mani sa kanto and chami sa plaza!

… walkathon and text galore with Tina, chikahan with Chenezes

I miss Jollibee’s Chicken Joy, Chowking’s Halo Halo, Hen Lin’s Siomai

… St. Ferdinand Church, Our Lady of Lourdes Church..

I miss palengke and jeepneys.

I miss mga tindahan sa kanto

… bili chichiria

I miss our house in Lucena, ung gate, ung garahe, ung door, ung sala, ung kitchen, ung dirty kitchen.. ung munti naming house sa likod.

I miss my relatives and friends.

Most of all…

I miss Daddy.

I miss Mommy.

So much
… tagal ng lotto

I remember feeling the fear just thinking that I may one day find myself without someone who will be there with me for life. Becoming single forever. Living alone. On my own. The fear, as I now analyzed was coming from wrong perceptions, added pressures from family and friends, and my own concept of single blessedness.

I was 26 when I got married.

Now, it has been 9 years! And guess what? I am actually looking back and asking myself.. what if I hadn’t allowed myself to be pressured, what if I hadn’t found the man I would marry, what if I am still single? and am actually excited on the what -ifs! haha. Coming here, seeing all the possibilities, looking outside the box, Majoy, there is really soooo much more!

Not that I am wanting to be single again. OK, for a day or two, would really love to be.. hehe see, no kids, no kiddy hubby too! hehe just plain old me spending my time just for me.. kinda all me, me, me!

Had I not married at 26, I know I would be going through the same way you are going through now.. but then again, as you said, in a way you were surprisingly happy of the possibilities.. single and open to see what’s ahead.

I remember, I was once told, the only way for me to see him is for me to ask myself what I really want my man to be.. 3 things.. then, BE that. We attract our thoughts. What we think, we create.

It may take time, but when we become who we really are, we will begin to do what we love to do, and then we will have our heart’s desire.

Believe it.

In the mean time my friend, smile, you have the world in your hands!

Happy birthday girl!

She is Bebeth Mari.

She is talented, funny, kind and the best friend you’ll ever have!

She wonders about $$$ and gets it!

She hears beautiful music in the sounds of Mimoi hehe

She sees pretty blouses, pants and shoes everywhere!

She wants what she wants and Mario can do nothing about it!

She is Bebeth Mari.

She pretends to be Barbie wearing different attire everyday!

She feels like a mother truly!

She touches Mario and Mario wants more! hehe

She worries about ummm… nothing at all!??

She cries but wouldn’t show… right?

She is Bebeth Mari.

She understands your pain and gain!

She says uplifting words and jokes!

She dreams of US green card visa someday!

She tries to be, do and have whenever and however she can.

She hopes of so much more for Jomrie, Jeiah and her one true love Mario

And without a doubt, God loves her so!

She is Bebeth Mari.

I am continuously challenged by Math even in elementary days .. when Ms. Datinggaling would force us to memorize the multiplication table hehe (she would “drill” us and made us stand if we couldn’t tell the correct answer to her flash cards!),then high school math to college math. (Nope, I did not major in Math.. I remember I failed BS Mathematics entrance exam in college, hehe)

Math is hard because I need to think!… BUT I would always convince myself that if I only knew the process, the technique in solving it, I would be able to get the correct answer.. just a matter of time, practice and simple belief..

Well, that belief has not left me.. because until now, I would still convince myself I am good in Math.. that in time (up to the one minute challenge) I would be able to get the correct answer!

In my wanting to put my belief in reality, I accepted the summer job to teach Math to Middle School students here in New Orleans! AND believing I could make use of this skill to greater good.. I courageously and “quietly” signed up to take Praxis Middle School Mathematics, so I would be able to add on another Louisiana certificate in my current SPED teaching certificate.

So come July 25, armored with my self-proclaimed Math skills, I took the test… it has 40 multiple choice and 3 constructed response questions…

Leaving the test center, I KNOW it would take a MIRACLE by August 25 (date of results) for me to PASS.

And I did! MIRACLE indeed! the passing score is 148. I got 149!!! Yahoooo!!!

I THANK GOD there is power in believing
I THANK GOD for all the Math teachers in my life!

I am Ms. Maria (this is what my students call me)

I am the “Chinese lady” and the Special Education Teacher

I wonder what my students will become someday 

I hear them proud to say they are “gangstah” and a “killa”

I see a change of hearts someday though

I want them to feel that everything is possible if they only try

I am Ms. Maria

I pretend to love my job

I feel unproductive at times as I know I can do more

I touch people’s lives.. or so I want to think

I worry I am not giving enough

I cry when I can relate to people’s feelings

I am Ms. Maria

I understand that I can be whoever I want to be

I say whatever my mind can conceive it can achieve

I dream of stable, fulfilling, happy future for me and my family

I try to live one day at a time

I hope.. still hope for a utopia here on earth

I am Ms. Maria

1. I am on the verge of becoming overweight! I now weigh 155 lbs! Prior to leaving the Philippines I was only 120plus lbs! And that was only 2 years ago! I need to do a lot of tummy tucking now.. otherwise I will always be tagged as pregnant!hahaha

I am giving myself one month to lose at least 20 lbs of this weight! I don’t know if it is doable but I am giving it a try. My weight plan? ummmm…. ummm… umm ok will just tell you after a month! hehehe

2. After the summer break I feel as if I am unorganized, cluttered and jumbled! And so the past few weeks I have been making schedules as in daily routine schedules! to keep myself on track.. 5:00-5:30 Wake up and Morning Prayer 5:30-6:00 Prepare Breakfast, Lunch and Baon 6:00-6:30 Breakfast and Bath.. yup daily time schedule up until we all go to sleep which is tagged at 9:00-9:30!
Not only that! I have printed schedules for preparation of food and baon! Monthly budget schedule and another calendar for happenings! Organization 101 huh? hehe

I just felt, after all the trainings I have had last summer, to this time follow my own uniqueness and learning styles.. to keep me back on track! or I will be really really lost!

3. School started August 6 and so far after 2 days with less 200 high school kids I haven’t heard any “ching chang chu.. tink tonk tang ting” words from the students I work with in the classrooms or even in the hallways or anywhere at all! The past 2 years students will always tell us we are Chinese, and even if we make them understand where China is and where Philippines is and who Chinese are and who Filipinos are and where Asia is.. we are still Chinese to them! So I am kind of impressed by our school now, because I am seeing a change of perspective from the students already.. I see acceptance of another culture and race.. which is good.. well, so far so good. I am just keeping my fingers crossed because we are expecting 500 students more!!!

4. Add to organization is goal setting. Yes, I have also made plans for a holistic lifestyle, I’ve looked at my physical, mental, spiritual, financial and social state of being and set goals for each one. Just to make sure I am living a balanced state of life.. woah! big words huh? hehe. It simply means, losing weight, reading more books, spending time with God in prayer or meditation, saving!!! and spending time with friends!
5. H1B visa. Yes, this is only good for 6 years total.. supposed to be one-time renewal if the first issuance is good for 3 years and then to be renewed for 3 years more.. Yes, employers or American spouses can sponsor us to have green card so that we can stay here for 10 more years and then with that is the application of American citizenship..

BUT that is not the reality.. the reality is that whatever our mind can conceive it can achieve.. and whatever happens after this then so be it! I still want to have the greencard visa, thanks to the future employer who will sponsor us so we can make our stay here in the US of A longer and so we can be stable and settle for good! Thanks to the mind that can conceive I know it will be achieved. Positive thinking at work huh? hehe. Or otherwise, then thanks to all the experiences gained and enjoyed. We then move on to new and greater things in stored for us somewhere out there, in the Philippine Island or somewhere else and explore the possibilities of life! wow!:)

6. And hubby has waken up.. and asked me what I am doing and blah blah blah blah blah.. hehe guess my tummy is asking for breakfast already too! It is Sunday today and yes.. today is the day without a plan nor schedule to follow.. So-be-it day!:)

My “reality” is making me close this computer now! Wahhhh

Ciao!:)

In my other blog..  The World of Thoughts I kind of challenged myself to make the most of my 9 day summer vacation.. seemed just like only 9 days because I have attended a lot of summer classes and trainings the whole summer break! I needed that to make my goal a reality.. and I think I was successful!

In my 9 days.. I have consciously forced myself to make everyday count. It was hard! haha but I tried my best to make it meaningful as much as I can..

I just found out that it is do-able. It is realistic. It is fun! and it is worth doing everyday…

What happened? The universe did something in it too hehe because it just happened! Plans of doing this and doing that just popped out as if planned ahead!

I’ve been to a Gentlemen’s club hahahaha.. to think I have never in my entire life been to any of that!

Spent most days at the Park.. grilling and chilling out!

Spent days in the swimming pool! 20% swimming 80% eating! = Gaining a lot of weight!!!hehe

Run errands! Paid credit debts! - this is meaningful!

Went to dentists and dermatologists! - fun ha? hehe

Watch movies.. ate pizza! drank beer!

What made my summer special is not because I’ve been to this and that, did this and that.. it was special because the whole time, I am with family.

I am with my family.. as we build dreams together.. as we make memories together..

It is not picture perfect, oh no! there were cry out louds from Mimoi after being irritated by Mymy, the usual arguments and disagreements, blah blah blah’s and duh duh duh’s from Dennis and I, thank you. hehe

It was real chaotic, messy, noisy and fun altogether! And I thank God for that!

If there is one thing I learned from this experience that will make me different from yesterday to today is this: PRETEND for it is really powerful!

And so it is

Now I am writing “SY 2009-2010″… it seems just like yesterday when I was writing “SY 2007-2008″ and the “SY 2008-2009″???

Many things has happened indeed… from Houma, Metaire to Crete St., New Orleans, to Baronne St., and then now here in Chalmette.. with new place to live in comes new experience, challenges and memories.

If only I can take hold of the reins of my future and see where I will go from here.. but nobody knows right?

Working in a foreign land, meeting new friends, seeing new places… If I can only add permanent residency, settling, being home.. would be really nice..

For now, we are living in a borrowed time, nothing is permanent..

There are infinite possibilities.. and with that emotions can run wild!

Same with life, I suppose..

We take in as much as we could… learning every step of the way.. making memories… embracing life’s surprises… then we move on.